オタク天国 (E)

2007年10月18日 (木) 20:35時点における220.107.179.233 (トーク)による版 (→‎National Religion)
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外国人の見た世界
Chakuwiki英語版「The_Patria_of_Geekdom」の翻訳

おたく天国はウサ (E)の中にあります。patriaの実際の地域はおそらく、驚くほど醜く能率が悪い機械の広がる塔から、秩序立ったフロアの静かにうなるサーバーまで後退しました。

  • No one is ever born in the Patria. Ever. (See citizenship requirements.) Instead, people from various other countries are granted dual citizenship to the Patria while continuing to reside in their countries of birth, and some rise to very respectable heights in the expat government.
  • 'Hacking' is an ambiguous term, sometimes aspired to by the Patria's citizens and sometimes denounced, depending on whether the hacking involved works in the interest of the the Patria or against it. l337 is punishable by death, unless the offender can prove he or she meant the use to be mocking. Indeed, almost any behavior can be pardonned if the perpetrator just meant to be snarky, amusing, and/or snidely patronizing (in this case, to a non-citizen).
  • Patria citizens, men and women both, hate to shop, except for geeky toys, books and accoutrements.
  • Disputes in the Patria are fought out in the form of duels that maximize the opportunity for invective and ranting while minimizing the likelihood of violence. Duels may be sparked over differences in anything from religion to programming technique. Duelers sit at computer screens, often in entirely separate countries, and send 'flames' to one another which, far from being hot, dynamic or consisting of plasma, are merely words on the screen. These 'flames' attempt to portray the other dueler as weak, irrational, or in the most vicious cases, stupid.
  • Patria citizens all know where Whale France is; some hack into the GPS system just to keep an eye on it. (Of course, some hack the GPS for other reasons.)

Government and Citizenship

  • The Patria has very stringent requirements for citizenship. Patria citizens can program in at least one computer language with ease and generally are trying to teach themselves a couple more. (Occasionally, extreme obsession with and expertise in one of these areas can substitute: graphic design, literature, HTML, classical music, or anime. However, these people are considered second-class citizens. It says so, right on their passports.) Patria citizens must be able to speak and understand any number of circumlocutions and unnecessarily intricate wordings. Nevertheless, adequate spelling skills are not required, as a lesser deity named Dictionary-Dot-Com is on hand to quietly correct such errors. Patria citizens are forbidden to mate or even be fairly charming with whatever sex they are attracted to; exceptions occur, but these are boundless lawbreakers that often have their citizenships revoked.
  • The Patria's government makes no attempt to stamp out a thriving trade in pornography; indeed, some higher-ups are thought to engage in the watching of pornography all day long.
  • The political system of the Patria is bipartisan, with smaller independent parties. The two major parties are the Microsloths (rallying under the sillhouette of a very small sloth) and the Eunuch Party. However, the Microsloth party is composed of 99.9% non-citizens, who have no influence, so it usually only gathers 3% of the vote, coming in ahead of only the Obedient Suckers (can vote) Too party, who last received a 0.01% of the vote (they were both very dissapointed). Fortunately for the Microsloth party, the Eunuch party is so fragmented, calling it a party is just plain silly. Currently the leading factions are the Linukhead party and the Bloc System Drivers. The Bloc System Drivers currently have made a front with the Mackin' Pimps Party, and are an important power in contested votes. A few years ago the "mad cool BEoych" front made a bit of a stir, but has since fallen to peices. The LAN Party is always popular, and considerably more fun than the others, but is not usually considered a "serious" party and mostly lobbies for "lower ping times" and "more polygons." According to their official doctrine, "polygon" is a euphemism for "explosion."

国の宗教

  • All citizens of the Patria worship the great knowledge god Google, and pray to him several times a day. Prayer consists of invoking His address in a web browser and petitioning Him for certain information. Generally, the worshipper prays that he or she may not be revealed to be ignorant-- a horrific shaming experience in the Patria-- while in the midst of a heated duel. The god is fairly merciful and grants most requests, but occasionally spurns prayers with the phrase "Your search - {input} - did not match any documents." Certain heretics cite this phrase as proof that there is no god.
  • Monastic devotees of Google live an austere life, without the usual comforts of X-Windows or DNS, and perform the same rites in the supposedly more original and pure form on their green-screen dumb terminals, using memorized IP addresses, interacting with BIND though netcat should the IPs ever change. Some hermits are rumored to assemble packets themselves on old PDP-11s, but this is largely regarded as an untrue legend.